Helping Your High Schooler Find Their "Why": 5 Foundations for a Purpose-Filled Future

Let’s face, teens are under enormous pressure to figure out "what's next," but what they truly need is a sense of why. In our work we see many students who are so burned out and unmotivated by the time they finish high that it becomes near impossible to help them figure a path to college or career because they have lost a sense of personal purpose. Purpose isn't just about checking boxes like picking a college, choosing a major, or landing a job. It's more like a person’s personal North Star that guides their decisions, keeps them motivated, and helps them feel like their life has real direction and meaning.

When young people connect with what drives them, even just a little bit, everything else starts to fall into place. Helping your kid find that spark can be one of the most transformational things we can do for them as counselors.

Here are five conversations to have with your child to help them uncover their sense of purpose:

1. What lights them up? What brings them joy?

Ask your child what activities make them feel most fulfilled: "When do you feel most energized or excited?" or "What activities make you lose track of time because you're so engaged?" Encouraging this self-reflection helps them develop self-awareness about what truly matters to them. Then, complement their reflections by sharing what you've noticed: "You know, I can always tell when you're talking about photography because your whole face lights up." These moments of genuine enthusiasm, both self-identified and observed, are the start of a path leading toward learning and work environments where they will truly thrive.

2. Values: What matters most to them?

Think of values as your kid’s internal compass. Values are the things that they feel in their core. What do they believe is most important in life? Perhaps it is honesty, creativity, justice, adventure, or connection. It could be a host of other things. No two young people are alike. Help them connect with what makes them unique and what moves them. Try asking, "When do you feel most proud of yourself?" or "What kind of people do you look up to whether they are your peers or adults?" Naming their core values helps clarify what kind of life and work will feel meaningful to them down the road.

3. What are their skills? What are they good at?

This goes way beyond grades. Remind your teen to recognize areas where they naturally shine - maybe they're a born leader, an empathetic listener, great with their hands, or have a knack for numbers.

If they're stuck, offer your observations: "You know, I've always noticed how you can explain complicated ideas in ways that make them simple for everyone." Or suggest they ask friends or their families what strengths they see. Understanding their strengths builds confidence and connection to real-world possibilities.

4. What value do they think they add to others?

Have your child reflect on their positive impact that they have on others. "When have you made a difference for someone else?" or "What's something small you've done that actually had a significant impact?" are excellent ways to start that part of the conversation.

What they share will reveal how they already contribute to the world around them. Understanding this helps them see that they already matter - and opens their imagination to how they might continue making that impact on an even larger scale. Are there school and career pathways that will help them build on the value they see they contribute to others?

5. What makes them curious?

Curiosity fuels lifelong growth and learning. What types of questions does your kid seem to be inclined to ask? Get them to talk about the topics they research when no one's watching. What healthy YouTube rabbit holes do they disappear down in their free time? Following these threads of curiosity builds intrinsic motivation and often leads to unexpected opportunities. Plus, when challenges arise later, that same curiosity about what might be possible can be exactly what helps them persevere.

Bringing it all together into a vision

After exploring these five areas, encourage your student to dream a little. "If you could do something that aligned with your values, used your strengths, helped others, brought you joy, and satisfied your curiosity - what might that look like?"

It doesn't need to be a perfect plan - just an authentic direction that makes future decisions less stressful and more meaningful.

At What Comes Next, we've spent 25 years helping teens discover purpose. Reach out for a FREE 20-minute consultation to learn more about how we can support your teen in mapping out their future.